Life is filled with stressors that cause a variety of emotional responses. Many of us didn't learn the tools to identify our feelings in childhood and have survived by pushing our emotions down or sweeping them under the rug. It's a survival strategy that keeps us moving, but doesn't contribute to the healthiest emotional life. Often these emotions seep out to bite us in ways we aren't expecting. The best thing we can do to manage our mental health is to pay attention to our emotions and listen to what they're telling us.
When we pause to accurately name our feelings it integrates the right and left side of the brain, which creates a conscious connection between our physical and emotional experience. Most grounding techniques focus on regulating the physical responses to our emotions, so we’re not actually identifying the problem and helping integrate the brain. Telling the story takes the words and emotions and brings them together into something more cohesive and understandable. Doing this reduces the intensity of the emotion, although it may not take the bad circumstances away, and creates more resilience and flexibility to respond to our emotions.
The first step is to name the facts of what’s happening. “I have a job interview and I am worried I won’t do well.” Or “I am feeling overwhelmed by all of the things I have to do.” or “My aunt is sick and I don’t know if she’ll recover.”
What is the stressor I’m experiencing?
Emotions typically have a physical sensation in the body and so you’ll want to notice how your body is responding to the stressor. Scan your body and see what you notice. Some options could be a heaviness in the chest, constriction in the throat, or pressure on the eyes.
What does it feel like in my body as I think about it?
We want to name the feelings or emotional response to this situation. “I am feeling anxious and fearful” or “I am really sad and worried.”
What emotion am I feeling in response to the stressor?
And we want to give ourselves some compassion for the emotions we’re experiencing. Validate that it’s a reasonable thing to feel in this situation and acknowledge the difficulty you’re experiencing. “It’s ok to be anxious about a job interview. You really want this job.” “Aunt Sarah means so much to me. Of course it’s normal to feel worried about her health.” If you have a hard time with this, think about what you might say to a friend who is experiencing the same things.
What can I say to validate this emotional response?
The third step is to develop a strategy for managing the feelings. This is a good place you can utilize a grounding technique. Maybe it’s some nice slow breathing, or maybe you need to co-regulate and speak with a friend about it, or maybe there’s an action you need to take that would help you feel like you can manage the situation better. It could be saying no to an obligation that’s pushing you over the edge, or doing some more prep work to increase your confidence, or maybe it’s going to visit aunt Sarah.
What will help me feel like I can manage this situation better?
Ignoring our emotional experiences may provide temporary relief, but they still linger and nag at us. When we integrate our feelings it’s helps calm them because we’ve looked them in the eye, and it allows us to move through our days with more intention. Download a free template to journal through this practice below.
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